Why do I cry at the little things?
At the rung in my new tights. The zip that broke on my bag. The laundry that sits waiting to be done for the 3rd week in a row?
It's because I've taught myself that I couldn't be upset at the big things.
I can get upset about the little things because they can be fixed or they don't matter too much.
A rung doesn't matter too much. Most won't notice or care. It's also one in a pack of 6, I could just put on another pair.
My zip can be fixed. Maybe by me or my kids or my partner or even a stranger in the park.
I can't do the whole laundry, sure. But I can take out all my underwear and hand wash them. Leave the bulk of it till I feel better able to cope or someone big and strong chucks it into the back of my car to do at mums.
But the big things my brain has been conditioned to go "well what's the point. Nobody can help".
Why reach out about my ex-husbands temper? because I tried, and nobody took notice no matter how blatantly I said it or reports said it. So I didn't speak again till it effected my children.
Why get upset with ablism when nobody cares until it effects them. Even drs, health professionals blind to your pleas. I essentially got told that I had to keep with those who poses a danger to me/don't do their job or they remove my care while waiting over a year for rebidding and go without the essential care I need.
If I cry at the little things, it's because those emotions need to come out at some point. And if I cry over a broken zip in a shop, someone will help. If I cry in public over what I'm going through, I'm just the crazy disabled lady who can not regulate her emotions.
Hysterical.
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